Why wouldn’t someone want to date us?
In the meeting last night, we talked about dating and disclosure. These topics can be very stressful to even think about. One of these awesome and brave ladies in my group said we should think of it (dating) like this, “Why wouldn’t someone want to date us?” I this is one of the most powerful statements I have heard in a long time.
I think it's very easy to focus on what you might call the sexual loss of self. It’s not uncommon to feel like you will never have sex again because of herpes and by proxy to feel like no one will ever want to date you because you might pass on herpes during sex. My response to those feelings is this: if someone chooses not to date you because of herpes, then that’s on them. They are not rejecting you; they are rejecting herpes.
Let these people go and forget them. These are not the people who will stand by you when things get rough. Plus, these people didn’t even take the time to see the whole you. You are so much more than your diagnosis. You could be adventurous, a great cook (yum tacos), a kick-ass travel companion, caring, smart, funny and/or a million other amazing things.
I want you to take a moment and think about all the good qualities you have. Write them down in case you ever fall into some unhelpful thoughts around dating. I put mine below. You are awesome, and someone should feel lucky to be dating you. Say it with me, “Why wouldn’t someone want to date us?”
This is the whole me.
A good travel companion
I love a good pun, and I’m not afraid to use them.
a Navy veteran
A cat lover (Jackson and Little Bit are adorable)
a bad drawer
a good listener